Conscious Relationship
Are Romantic Relationships Really the Best Space for Growth?
All relationships require some form of work. However, we need to gauge which connections feel safe enough that they do not leave us more wounded than we were when we began our love affair.
I have often heard the idea that relationships are catalysts for growth, and I agree with some of it. However, there is a fine line between healing and deepening our childhood scars by remaining in painful dynamics. Our romantic partners will ultimately trigger whatever within us needs attention. However, in order to heal within romantic relationships, the work must be done by both parties. Each person must be able to hold themselves accountable for their projections and for how they hold the other person’s heart.
I think the rarest and most healing relationships are those in which two conscious people meet with the intention of becoming better partners, rather than expecting another person to fulfil all their needs.
When two conscious people meet, there is no longer a power play or an act to perform. Well, perhaps some of that still appears as a brief, default response to conflict, but conscious partners can step back from the ego and reflect on their reactions and burdens. The motivation in such a relationship is to be honest and trust that the other person will do the same, even when the less attractive parts of ourselves are revealed.
Conscious people don't get in a relationship for pleasure; they get together for growth.
The question we usually ask ourselves while looking for the perfect mate is
“What do I want in a partner”
In conscious relationships this also holds to some extent, however, there is another, more important question through which we filter our behaviour and question our own belief system.
“What is it that my ideal partner will need from me so I can support them to become the best version of themselves”
The roles in these connections change in multiple ways:
We no longer look for the other person to make us happy, but we get curious about how we can help them to thrive.
Every conflict is discussed and dissected with the intention of finding the source of disagreement or misunderstanding.
Feelings and emotions are welcomed, even if they can be unpleasant.
There's mutual care present at all times and even during the deepest of disagreements.
Nothing gets “swept under the carpet”.
Each perceived "flaw" is recognized as a "vulnerability" and thus becomes a unique trait that is embraced and cherished.
As the couple progresses in the relationship, both can observe that they become better people over time.
In conclusion, conscious relating requires a deep commitment to personal growth, rather than demands from another.
While pleasure is important, it is also secondary to the dedication to honesty and trust.
In such relationships, partners prioritise each other’s needs for personal development, constantly shifting from self-centred desires to a shared journey of becoming the best versions of themselves. This transformation manifests in different ways, from moving toward conflicts with curiosity and care to embracing all emotions, even unpleasant ones.
Each flaw is reframed as unique and is loved, nurturing an environment of acceptance and growth.
As a relationship grows and both partners witness their growth, the foundation of their bond becomes stronger. Although it's not an easy path to choose, it is the only one that can lead to real fulfilment while experiencing life with another.
The myth of: "But what if they change?"
I once spoke to a friend who recently got married. I complimented her and her husband as a happy-looking couple, and her immediate response was, "Yeah, he is great, but I need to make him change a few more things". To me this response sounded rather sad, and I lost touch with both of them over the years, but if I am to take a guess, they probably are not living their "happily ever after".
In a world full of demands, we need to let people be who they are, and instead of trying to mould our partners into our idealised perfect person, just accept them as they are, and either love them consciously or let them go, so they can find their unique pairing.
Since self-love is what most of people struggle with, imagine your romantic relationship re-affirming to you this exact message over and over again "yeah you are great but just not enough so go make few tweeks and maybe then..."
Being Consciously Connected Starts With The Self.
There is no better way of starting real, fulfilling romance than romancing the self, and not in the narcissistic or self-centred way, but if you could become the ideal partner you are looking for, and then treat yourself with deep love and utmost respect, meeting a person who will reflect the same to you will be inevitable. Just like you meet people who mirror your deepest wounds and abandon you as you abandon yourself.
A conscious relationship is not one without conflict, uncertainty, or pain. It is one in which both people are willing to face those experiences without abandoning themselves or each other. It is a space where love becomes less about possession and more about witnessing, supporting, and honouring one another’s becoming.
Most of us fails to remember that the deepest form of partnership is not finding someone who completes us, but meeting someone with whom we can grow, while feeling whole.
With Love 🤍
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