What Can I Do To Make You Happy?

How does one answer this question while working with Ego?

This question reminds me of a story told by my favourite Buddhist monk, Ajahn Brahm…

Ajahn Brahm was once offered money for his service, and as we know, Buddhist Monks don't carry Money, so he politely declined…

The person who offered the money insisted and offered to get him a gift at least, and asked the monk for a wishlist.

This evening, Ajahn Brahm sat down at his desk with a pen and paper and thought for some time, having no idea of what he could get…

And then it occurred to him as he held in his hand an old pen, that he could ask for a better pen…

Ajahn Brahm wrote “Pen” on the piece of paper, and thought right after…

“I could also ask for a better paper”

And then he noticed that his desk was a bit old, and it hit him

“Oh, I see where this is going”

So he tore the list apart and refused to ask for any gifts at all…

I hope I gave the story its justice, and that the point here is clear…

Once we start asking for things, our focus shifts from what we have towards what we lack, and if we practice that, it becomes our focus and it's our agenda to get more, and one “want” leads to another…

We see this often in our close relationships, especially in people who don't operate from a space of consciousness but from the point of the Ego.

The ego will always look for external sources of both happiness and suffering, hence, it picks at the other, dismissing its own shortcomings.

Love Story of Amara and her partner, Luca.

Amara fell deeply in love with Luca's free spirit. He was spontaneous, full of wild ideas, and always chasing new dreams. It was part of what made her heart beat faster in the early days, his unpredictability and passion for life.

They were in love, and time was passing by. But as the seasons passed, something shifted inside her. Amara started wishing that Luca was a little more stable. A little more practical. Maybe a bit more serious about their future.

So she began, gently suggesting changes:

"Maybe you should look for a different kind of job, a stable income and the possibility for growth?"

"Maybe you should be more careful with your money?"

"Maybe you could plan more, so we could settle down a bit?"

Of course, Luca tried because he deeply loved Amara. But the more he tried to be the person she imagined, the more the light in his eyes was dimmed and the more demands Amara had of him.

He kept working towards her demands but slowly became quiet and seemed quite unhappy, complaining a lot about the littlest of things.

One evening, they both sat under the old olive tree where they had first held hands, and Amara started complaining. She's told him that he doesn't seem to like anything, and maybe he needs to do something about it, seek help.

That day Luca had had enough of the demands and finally spoke what had been weighing him down for a long time.

"You didn’t fall in love with who you wanted me to become," he said.

"You fell in love with who I already was."

Her desire to change Luca didn’t come from love — it came from fear.

The fear that who he was wouldn’t be enough for the life she imagined.

The fear that what they had wasn’t secure enough, stable enough, certain enough.

It was the mindset of scarcity whispering in her ear:

"If they don't change, I won't have enough."If they stay the same, I will miss out."

Needless to say, making a partner like her happy is an impossible task… So instead of asking ourselves, "What can they give me so I will be happy?" We should be asking, "What can I in this moment give to myself to be happy…"

After all, we are only responsible for our part of every human interaction.

As Abraham said:

“I know who I am and I know what I want, and I need to leave others out of it…”

The Answer

When we give another person the power to make us happy, we unknowingly hand them the power to make us unhappy, too.

What a messy, fragile world that creates, where our emotional state rises and falls based on someone else's behaviour, moods, or choices.

Sadly, many of us move through life exactly this way, operating from the perspective of the Ego, and the Ego seeks fulfilment outside of itself, believing that others are responsible for its joy, its peace, and its sense of worth. But this way of living inevitably leads to disappointment and heartache, because no one else can carry the weight of our happiness without eventually letting us down. And peace begins when we reclaim that responsibility.

 Therefore, answering the original question

“What can I do to make you happy?”

Well, if my happiness is in someone else’s hands, I’m already lost, and you can do nothing…

So, what is the opposite of reliance on others?

True happiness is really an inner experience, not something we can permanently find outside of us. If you're not "quite happy yet", it's time to look within and build a toolbox of things that make you happy and aren't dependent on anyone else.

Self-care is where Self-Love begins.

We need to build habits that make our own spirit bloom.

The first and I dare say most important tool is self-awareness, with this you can learn to notice your thoughts and feelings without judgment, so you understand your needs and patterns.

Gratitude is another: when we focus daily on what we already have rather than what we lack, our perspective naturally shifts toward abundance.

Self-compassion is necessary to have the ability to treat ourselves with the same kindness we often reserve for others.

Practices like mindfulness and meditation help us stay connected to the present moment, where true life happens.

And lastly, creative expression — whether through writing, art, movement, or music — opens a channel for our emotions to flow, allowing inner joy to surface naturally. By leaning on these tools, we build a stable foundation of happiness that no one else has the power to give or take away.

All of these tools create an independent, happy lifestyle to which the presence of others can only add value. Personal fulfilment eliminates the power struggles, and being busy with things we love takes our attention away from the shortcomings of others. After all, we can only be responsible for our actions, and when it comes to our loved ones, we should be kind and gentle observers, not judges.

With Love

#INSPIRED