Most of us, when facing conflict, focus on the change necessary in the other so that WE can finally be happy. We tie our peace of mind to an outcome we cannot control, and try to force our loved ones to fit into the mould of our imaginative ideal partner.

Your mind isn't a single entity that just needs to "try harder." Instead, it is made up of sub-personalities, or "parts," that are constantly interacting, like an internal family.